Wrestling With God
My way was everyone else’s normal, His way was our new normal.
I have grown up in the church. My parents signed me up for EVERY church event. Though I am so grateful for those times, I learned to build my relationship around those environments. When you grow up basically living at church, it’s easy to forget that isn’t enough.
Like Mark said Sunday, death and having children both pull us back to God. I couldn’t agree more. I have been a momma for a little over a year, and what a year it has been. If you haven’t met my Millie, well you’re missing out. My sweet baby has had some big health problems in her little life. From almost 3 weeks in the NICU to heart surgery to feeding tube, let’s just say it has been a wild year.
We had so many people surrounding us in love and encouragement, but the moments came when we were alone and exhausted, wrestling with God. Lots of those moments happened for us in hospitals and waiting rooms. But many of those moments happened as we were pulled over on the side of the road. Our sweet Millie threw up all the time. And not like normal baby throw up, I’m talking all over the back seat and windows throw up.
So there I was, on the side of the road, cleaning up the mess again. I found myself telling God to do it differently. Haven’t we had enough?! Aren’t surgeries and feeding tubes enough?! We don’t really need this extra mess on top of it. I told God to make it stop. I told Him to do it my way.
HA!! How wrong was I?
My way was the fast and easy way, His way was the long-term way. My way was selfish, His way was to grow our family. My way was everyone else’s normal, His way was our new normal. And I would grow to love His way!
In the Gospel, we win by losing. God wasn’t angry with my wrestling, He had gotten my attention. I was able to better understand His heart. My questions revealed a deeper view and understanding of God. By realizing how wrong I was, I was given peace. Even after I threw my fit, He allowed me to rest in Him, like the good, good Father that He is.