In my moments of panic, chaos, and confusion, it’s his love and grace for me that brings me peace.
Becoming a mother has been one of the most refining and eye-opening experiences of my life. I always thought I was a fairly patient and gracious person, but there’s something about tiny people with big feelings running around that seems to challenge that. A few weeks ago, my five-year-old son was having an exceptionally tough day with a lot of emotions and was struggling to make good choices. He was tired, angry, and hungry – the perfect storm of chaos. I was frustrated and was losing my patience. Just as I opened my mouth to react, he walked over to me, sat on my lap, and collapsed into my arms.
Me raising my voice and expressing my frustration was not going to do him any good. He needed my kindness and compassion in his difficult moment. He needed me to show him grace and speak kindly to him. He needed to feel safe and loved even in the midst of his disobedience…especially in the midst of his disobedience.
In Romans 2:4, Paul says “do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” It’s not God’s anger or wrath that compels us to live lives of obedience, it’s his kindness.
There are countless times in the Old Testament that God reminded his people of his faithfulness to them. He didn’t do this to hold anything over their heads or to make them feel inferior to him, he did this as a reminder of his consistent love for them. In their doubt, he loves them. In their disobedience, he loves them. In their wickedness, he loves them. And he does the same for us.
I’ll never forget the moment with my son that day. Sitting on the floor and holding him in my arms, I was reminded of the way God loves me. In my moments of panic, chaos, and confusion, it’s his love and grace for me that brings me peace. It’s his kindness toward me that leads me to repentance and a desire to live in his will. It’s his constant faithfulness to me that reminds me he will never leave me even in the midst of my disobedience…especially in the midst of my disobedience.
