In March, I had an assignment for class called Wilderness Time. I was to spend 24 hours in silence and solitude (broken into 8-hour segments). This assignment was so life-giving!
Since March, I have been processing my time in the wilderness and have written down just a little of how the Lord met me there. I wanted to share it here as a memory and as encouragement! God’s heart is to reveal Himself to those who seek Him.
I am humbled and awed by how the Lord spoke to me during my time in the wilderness. While staying at a spiritual retreat center in Pittsburg, Missouri, I spent 8 hours in silence and solitude Monday through Wednesday. I broke my solitude each evening by eating dinner with my husband, and on Tuesday, we attended Mass with Father Paul, who runs the Retreat Center. It was just the three of us, and together, we shared the most beautiful time of communion. My wilderness time was spent journaling, pondering, watching the sunrise, walking, sitting, reading, praying, listening, and simply spending it with God. I kept inviting Him into every bit of it. His presence was constant and sweet and life-giving.
A few days before my wilderness time, I met with my spiritual director, Murphy. Sensing that I sometimes doubt myself when hearing the prompting of the Spirit, he shared with me about Duck Theology. If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, then it just might be a duck; thus, if it sounds like the Spirit and looks like the Spirit, it just might be the Spirit. On Wednesday morning, I spent a long time in the labyrinth at the retreat center.
A labyrinth is a tool for prayer, meditation, and connection with God that the Church has used since the Middle Ages. It is similar to a maze, but instead of multiple paths and dead ends, a labyrinth has a single, winding path that leads to the center and back out again. This structure helps one slow down and provides a tangible experience of one’s journey with God.
That morning, I had entered the labyrinth carrying a pretty flower to represent the good in my life, a small piece of broken bark to represent the complex and hard things in my life, and a circular patterned rock that represented the continuing circles of learning and growth in my walk with the Lord. I was only in the labyrinth a minute or so when I misstepped, and in the process, the bark I had picked up fell out of my hand. I felt the Lord sweetly speak over me that the hard wasn’t mine to carry and to release it all to him. It was truly specific and so healing.
Later, while still in the labyrinth, God revealed another truth to my heart that was so healing and confirmed for me some prompting I had been hearing from Him. I chose to believe these promptings and direction I was sensing and spoke them out loud to the Lord as a sort of covenant between He and I. Moments after I spoke those words of surrender and trust, I heard something in the distance.
The noise echoed off the sides of the valley and off of the water. It caught me by surprise. At first, I did not believe what I was hearing. Just down the hill from where I was standing, a flock of ducks flew to the water. The sound of their quack seemed like one, and yet it vibrated so loudly that it sounded like hundreds. Many trees were between me and the water, so I could not see the ducks; I could only hear them. I just stared at the trees and the water in disbelief – when it hit me. If it sounds like a duck… My heart rejoiced, and my spirit laughed in joy. I began to respond to this precious gift through tears and honor to the one who gave it to me. My thoughts shifted to gratitude and a simple idea of how precious it would be if I saw them, but the trees were so thick, and He had already blessed me with so much by hearing the ducks.
Why do I ever doubt? Once again, right on cue, I saw it. A single duck ascended from the water in perfect flight. Its wings expanded and fully opened, flapping so quickly as if to ensure I saw her. It was as if time stood still for a few minutes. I wish I had gotten a picture, yet it was such an intimate moment; I love that it is only shared between me and God.
If it sounds like a duck and looks like a duck, it might be a duck. He was so clear and kind to me, to be so specific in His gift.
LORD, I hear you, and I see you. Your message is clear to me. It is you who is speaking. It is you who is leading. It is you. I believe!
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