“I can do it!” was a really common phrase of mine growing up, and I’m guessing I’m not alone in that. From a young age, I was always concerned about doing something on my own. Having my mom or dad help me just wasn’t enough. There was this pride of success and not having to rely on my parents or an adult to accomplish a task for me. I was always so frustrated when I couldn’t do it on my own, whether it was simple things as a kid, like not reaching the counter, or later in high school, not understanding my math homework.
My parents had raised me to be quite independent. I knew how to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. I had chores, and I got a job at 15 years old. I was honestly pretty responsible, and I had a hunger to do it all on my own. I was taught the values of responsibility and maturity.
Our culture encourages independence. We have this expectation to be strong enough, smart enough, capable enough, self-sufficient enough to live on our own. There is such pride in not needing anyone’s help that has been ingrained in us from a young age. Phrases like “stand on your own two feet” and “if you want something done right, do it yourself” are taught to us as gospel truths. Yet, the Bible paints a different picture of the Christian life. God never designed us to live in isolation or even in this prideful independence. He has called us to interdependence. A life that is filled with support, humility and connection.
This has been such a difficult road for me to journey down, as I have had such pride in my independence. Moving states away from home for school, across the country for ministry, living on my own, buying a car, etc. The list goes on of the things I have been so proud of, and yet during each one of these times of my life, I have been humbled by not being able to do it all on my own. I have called my parents countless times for help, advice, and direction. I have had a church family that has loved and cared for me in extravagant ways. Bills have been paid for me, plane tickets gifted to get me home for a holiday, and my broken car has been fixed for me. Counseling, mentorship and direction have been provided to help me grow and move forward. I have not done this life on my own and for a long time I have been disappointed in myself for that. I have been frustrated at my lack of being successfully independent.
Yet, our God has not put us on this earth to be alone. He has shown us that the Body of Christ is made up of many parts and they are needed! “For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Romans 12:4-5) Interdependence is an admittance that we need each other, and that isn’t a weakness; it’s God’s design.
Some burdens are just too heavy to deal with on our own. Some circumstances are too difficult and we need help. God has provided a community as his way of lightening that load, but that requires us to ask for help. I will be the first to put my hand up in admitting I don’t like asking for help. It makes me feel weak and incapable. Yet, that’s exactly what Christ requires of us when it comes to our relationship with him. Why would there be any difference with our relationship to his people, the body of Christ?
My wife and I are about to start a new journey into parenthood, and while we are so excited, we are also nervous. I have found myself asking more and more questions, and I am learning just how much I don’t know. As much as I want to “figure it out myself,” I know we’ll need help. Thankfully, we’re surrounded by a church family ready to walk with us. Asking for their support isn’t a weakness; it’s wisdom, trust, and obedience to God’s design.
In a culture focused on self-sufficiency, the gospel calls us to life together. Interdependence doesn’t hinder us, it frees and empowers us. It reminds us we don’t live our lives alone and we were never meant to.
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