The Mess Of A Normal Life – Part 1
Our story is not outstanding in the way that some testimonies are. Because we were relatively “normal” we allowed ourselves to believe the lie of spiritual safety in numbers. If we looked like everyone else, then we must be okay. God has shown us, by His great faithfulness, that our actions were truly taking us about as far away from Him as possible. With each choice we made for ourselves, it was also a choice to say no to Jesus, and the effect was our own destruction.
I am broken, a complete mess. I came from a broken home. I grew up never feeling wanted. I very much felt stuck in the middle of two complete families, and I was the only remnant of a marriage that my two biological parents absolutely resented. Neither of my families went to church and when they did talk about Jesus or the Bible it was without depth. I remember little from my childhood. However, in high school, there were these weird people that used to come and sit with us at lunch. They were intrusive and no matter how rude we were to them, they just kept coming back. I learned that they were Young Life leaders and I started going to Club every week. I never missed, and I started bringing my other cheerleader buddies, and it was awesome. I started hearing about Jesus in a way that I had not before. God’s grace was presented as a gift to anyone who will take it, but something always stopped me from going “all in”. There was always that voice that I couldn’t shake. “Look how damaged you are. Who would love you? Look at all the terrible choices you’ve made. You aren’t good enough for Jesus”. I graduated from High School without a clue who I was or what I wanted; enrolling in college but quickly dropping out. My personal life was a complete disaster, dating more boys than I care to count and drinking more than I care to admit. Nothing made me feel better and in 2007 I hit rock bottom. I had made too many poor choices and I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror.
Seeking a new start, I asked for a transfer and was moved to Tulsa, OK. Looking to be different meant that I wanted to be around different kinds of people, so I immediately thought of Young Life. I ignored the voice in my head telling me I was nothing and contacted the area director. When he asked me “Why do you want to be a Young Life leader?”, I answered, “I want to be the light for someone that my leader was for me.” I had no idea what I was doing, but I was having so much fun and felt more alive than ever. I met my husband at the first Young Life event I attended in August of 2007. I knew very quickly that he was who I wanted to marry and that he was perfect for me. It’s amazing to think that I was right, but it devastates me to think about our early relationship because God was not our center. He was not our Focus. He did not have our hearts.